My Relationship With My Digital Devices
Plus a must-read book and a map for identifying where you fall.
As I sat down to write something many nights ago, the burning candlesticks on my dining room table caught my eye. For just a moment I was transported to a pre-Edison era where light bulbs didn’t exist.
Did we use the length of a burning candlestick to mark the amount of time that had passed at night? I wondered.
I was comforted by this thought, ever brief, as my mind quickly rooted itself back in the present-day 21st century where we are all too often aware of the time.
One of the ways we mark time is by our smartphones and smartwatches, of course. Not to mention our computers, tablets, etc.
I grappled with the idea of getting an Apple Watch for a long time. My biggest concern was that it would become yet another piece of technology that could steal my focus away from me. I hated the idea of getting text messages and other push notifications on my wrist.
But I loved the idea of being able to track my physical activity and use it as a tool to keep me aware of my daily movement habits. What ultimately convinced me to get one was learning how my brother, a very intentional technology user, made his Apple Watch work for him, rather than the other way around.
It’s no hot take that our phones and other devices are controlling our lives. You’ve likely watched, or at least heard of, The Social Dilemma documentary by now. While some might see it as leaning towards fear-mongering, the film had important points.
Fortunately we’re all becoming more aware of just how technology is designed to prey on our innate human instincts. It seems hard to consume anything these days without running into some stream of thought or narrative on the harm technology is having upon us.
But how often are we taking a real hard look at our own personal habits and identifying areas we want to improve as a result?
Mapping Our Digital Device Habits
My digital device habits and the impact they have on me are something I spend a lot of time thinking about these days.
I have often used comparison as a way to assess my digital habits: I can sit with friends and have a meal without having my phone out on the table. I can spend a flight reading a book as opposed to scrolling social media on inflight wifi like the passenger next to me. I don’t respond to texts right away like some people I know, meaning my phone isn’t glued to my hip.
I have used this comparison barometer subconsciously without even realizing it. As I became aware of this, I felt bad for using this barometer, because to compare ourselves to others inevitably makes room for less-than-better-than thinking. But digital habits in and of themselves don’t define a person. Rather, it’s a reflection of one's self-awareness and willingness to define their own way that I value so highly.
Comparison is often seen as a bad thing. However, I learned at my retreat this summer that comparison can actually be a helpful tool in orienting ourselves to society at large. How do we want to be and show up in this world, in our one precious life? We can compare ourselves to other human beings to locate our place on the map and assess where it is we stand and where we want to go.
If there were a “map” for how we relate to digital devices in our modern society, I’d make this quadrant chart, with awareness of your digital habits and willingness to change them as the two factors of this social fabric:
The Deniers: High will to change with low self-awareness and thus under false belief you control your devices
The Digital Minimalists: High self-awareness and in the habit of making devices work for you
The Resisters: High awareness with resistance to changing relationship to digital devices
The Prey: Unaware with inability to change as a result and therefore prey to digital devices
Placing myself on this map, I’ve gone back and forth between the Resisters and Deniers depending on the specific pieces of technology, but more and more want to plant myself firmly in the Digital Minimalists (whose namesake I’ve taken from the book, Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport1).
The thing is, while I am more intentional and mindful of my digital device habits than a lot of my peers, I'm still not content. When I look at this larger map, I wonder how it might feel if I were to migrate permanently to the Digital Minimalists, or at least give it a try.
A Shift to Digital-Minimalist-Thinking
My brother's biggest advice for making his Apple Watch work for him was to turn off the push notifications for nearly every app on his watch, putting the control in his hands (literally).
It made so much sense. I did exactly that when I bought my watch several years ago and it’s worked well for me. That and the fact that there’s really not that much you can do on your watch (no Instagram or vivid color to capture your attention, or composing of long-form messages).
My brother remarked that he felt his watch actually resulted in him spending less time on his phone. Because he was able to easily check a notification on his watch, or see if there were any calls/texts, he could “pre-filter” of sorts without picking up his phone, which would prove to be the greater distraction.
So when I bought my watch I adopted the same ethos. No push notifications for apps unless it’s time-sensitive (phone calls, airline or Lyft notifications, etc.). I also left on the default standing notification—that is a reality check I like especially when I’ve been on my butt for a while.
For the most part I think it’s worked pretty well. However, when I read Digital Minimalism last month, I began noticing how I use my watch for little “dopamine hits” that are seemingly innocent but upon further inspection, I want to change.
For example, sometimes I find myself compulsively checking my watch to see if notifications exist, usually in situations where I’m bored (like at work or in line somewhere), or have idle hands. Another is using my watch as a distraction in the morning. Because I use my watch for my alarm, I find it easy to tack on other things to postpone getting out of bed.2
Once I realized this, it’s been hard to unsee it. I've been taking a mental inventory of these dopamine hit habits and want to redefine my relationship with my devices. Something akin to the values-based “digital declutter” that Newport describes in his book.
After all, the big idea behind The Conscious Consumer is to approach things with intention and I can't think of a better way to do that than with the technology we use every day.
More to come, my friends!
I’d love to know if this is something you think about too—let me know by liking this post or sharing more:
As defined by Newport in his book, Digital Minimalism is: “A philosophy of technology use in which you focus your online time on a small number of carefully selected and optimized activities that strongly support things you value, and then happily miss out on everything else.”
This routine usually goes like this: Turn alarm off. Check weather for the day. Check calendar for the day. Check notifications (if there’s any texts, read them and then delay responding until I’m with my phone later). Do a 1-minute breathing exercise to trigger the “readiness” measurement score on my sleep tracking app. Lastly, check my sleep score results. This should theoretically take 2 minutes or less but I somehow stretch it into what all of a sudden is 10 minutes to delay getting out of bed. What could I have done with this time instead?