What I Finally Realized After 6 Months of Writing This Substack

Giving myself grace isn't the answer. Plus, a bold proclamation.

The clock struck 11 at night as I lied there on the couch, ferociously scribbling in my journal as my hand struggled to keep up with the thoughts and ideas racing through my brain. 

I was processing the emotional response I was having to some content I had just consumed—a new-to-me-podcast, Little Gifts, and a few posts from a newly discovered Substack, Platonic Love. What was it about them both that had me feeling so inspired?

I noticed that both bodies of work were created by partners, two creative minds behind the output. And I was slightly envious of that. Maybe that’s my problem, I thought to myself. I’m lacking the accountability buddy in getting these posts out. (My partner, bless him, helps hold me accountable to myself when he so lovingly asks what I'm going to write about each week. But it’s different when you have someone in the trenches with you, equally accountable and invested in said output.)

I started to brainstorm how I might find creative accountability partners. But then I took a step back and thought, what else do these two projects have in common? Neither of them has missed a week since they started. And neither of them had any previous experience in creating their respective craft. From what I observed, they both took themselves seriously from the very beginning, deciding to dedicate themselves to their new projects with no expectation of outcome. Rather, a respect for and commitment to the process.

Neither party stated this with their words, but made it evident from their actions and how they presented themselves. It was in the attention to detail in their graphics, in their confidence in asking for support.

As I sat there reflecting on this, I then wrote down in my journal:

I think I’m realizing I can be taking myself more seriously. What would it look like if I took myself/my writing more seriously? What am I afraid of? What limitations am I enforcing on myself by not [taking this seriously]?

I’ve been proud of myself for removing most of the stress around writing in the sense that I’ve given myself grace when I’ve missed posts here and there. As a perfectionist, I can beat myself up when I make mistakes and I’m good at putting a lot of pressure on myself. So naturally I thought, not being too hard on myself when I miss a post is me doing a good job. 

But I had unintentionally given myself an out. As this new realization was slowly unfolding itself, it hit me. There’s a difference between giving myself grace and taking myself seriously.

I was building the thought muscle of “it’s ok to miss a week—you’re only human!” Which yes, that is true, but the subliminal message behind those words was“it’s ok to miss a post because you had a busier-than-normal week and didn’t carve out the time for it, but at least you thought about it.”

It’s nuanced, and I worry as I write this that this distinction won’t make sense to others. So I am doing my best to explain. 

The thing is, for someone who has been conditioned to not identify with being creative and is trying really hard to honor that call within herself, this self talk matters.

It’s the difference between:

I have wanted to start a blog or consistent writing practice for years. It’s a creative itch that constantly revisits me. I’ve tried a few times in the past and failed. But this time is different because I am taking it seriously. I'm going to try to write weekly and see what happens. Because it is new and weekly is a crazy goal for someone who’s only written a dozen or so times in just as many years, I am going to give myself grace if I miss a week. And I’m going to see if I can prove it to myself before I share outwardly with my friends and family. 

versus

I have wanted to start a blog or consistent writing practice for years. It’s a creative itch that constantly revisits me. Therefore, writing is important to me and I am taking it seriously. I will publish a post every week. In order to do that, I will find a way to write for at least 30 minutes every week. Even if it means sacrificing time elsewhere. And, I will share this with friends and family.

See the difference? 

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I started The Conscious Consumer (The CC) thinking I would write about a variety of consumption-related topics: my journey with recycling, the food I eat, how I track the books I’ve read, passive versus active consumption, etc. While I did some of this, I found I am more driven to write about personal anecdotes or recent experiences, using The CC as a way to process them. (Sometimes these are related to what I'm consuming, but in a more indirect way.)

I thought I was taking it seriously when I penned my about page, made my logos in Canva, and shared it with a few friends. I thought it was taking it seriously when I finally shared it with my parents and brother two months after starting it. And I thought it was taking it seriously when I wrote this post in January, proclaiming a “renewed commitment to writing.”

Don’t get me wrong, I did take it seriously then. But there were disclaimers attached. You can see it in the aforementioned post, which includes the lines “Do I have what it takes to publish 52 posts this year? Do I want to commit to that?”

So, dear reader, what would it look like if I took myself and The CC more seriously? 

It would look like being brave enough to believe in myself and my interest in writing, so that I sit here and boldly proclaim: 

From now through the end of 2024, I will not miss a week.

And, I will reach out to a group of friends to share this goal with; asking for their support in the form of following and believing in me.

It doesn't matter how this happens, whether it’s by writing posts in advance or carving out the time to write every week. It doesn’t matter what I write about, how it relates to past posts, or how long it is.

What does matter is that I take myself seriously enough to make it happen. It matters when the topic comes up with people, that I tell them I’m writing something every week through the end of the year. No disclaimers or self-defensive statements, just simply a self-assured announcement.

That is taking myself seriously the way I deserve to, the way I want to. And the way I will.

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I’d love to hear your tips and tricks—how do you take yourself seriously when it comes to creative commitments?